I work for an internet provider and I got my current favorite call today. Here is the paraphrased transcript
me "Good day this is, XXXXXX with XXXXX How may I help you?"
her "Hi. I am unable to send emails and my computer is froze up."
m: "Well unfortunately, we can't help you with a frozen computer."
h: "it's not frozen."
m: "........ok then. what seems to be the problem?"
h: "I tried sending this email and it screws up the computer."
m: after much conversation and deduction "What was the content of the email?"
h: "I'm trying to send my son 250 photos in an email."
m: *smacks head* "There's your problem. It's never a good idea to send more than about 10 photos in an email, just because of it's massive size."
h: "Well now I can't get on my internet and everytime I get on my email it won't let me send emails. and it keeps bringin up an error despite me trying to delete the email. It's stuck in a loop and I want you to fix the loop."
m: wondering what the hell a loop is "That is something that I can't fix on my end. Everything is working just fine. But just to make sure, I'll resync your email."
h: "I tried to delete the email, and it keeps sending even though i don't want it to, even after I restarted the computer. SO what I did was just unplugged everything from the box thing and the other box with the antena."
m: Pissed now. "Did you plug everything back in where it was?"
h: "I didn't know I needed to so I just plugged everything back in whereever it fit."
m: thinking WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT!?!?!? "Well you're gonna need to find a way to hook everything back up. I can----"
h: interupting. "Well you've got me all confused now. Why can't you help me with my problem? Here you know what here's my son, he's gonna tell you how to fix it."
m: thinking: oh lord
son: "Hi sorry about her. I came home from school and my router was no longer on the desk. In fact it was put in a drawer. All of the cables were everywhere. I think I'm just gonna work on untangling this mess from the---- MOM SHUT UP!! I'M ON THE PHONE!!! Can you hold on, I'm gonna get this hooked up and then can we test thew connection from your end?"
s: sets the phone down. I over hear: "New rule. You don't touch my router or my network. And you will lose your internet privilages if you send another 200 photos in an email."
h: "I just disconeccted all of the cables to stop it from sending."
s: "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN TOUCH THE ROUTER IF YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS OR WHAT IT DOES?"
h: "Well how do I stop the email then?"
s: "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN THINK TO SEND AN EMAIL THAT BIG!?!? DID YOU THINK FOR A SECOND THAT THE FILE YOU ARE SENDING MIGHT BE A LITTLE LARGE?"
finally gets back to me
m: "I have tested the connection and everything checks out."
s: "thank you. I finally have my network back together and everything is working."
m: "is there anything else I can do for you?"
s: "can you recommend a good straight jacket company? also a good brand of vodka and sleeping pills would help also."