I work part time at a University in Wisconsin as an "equipment services technician" which is the fancy title for a student who gets calls from the Professors when the tech equipment in the classrooms. We handle a bunch of equipment, lcd projectors, desktops, dvd players, document cameras, but our favorite is the handy little touch screens that switch the inputs and outputs, control the volume, the lights in the room and just about everything else. When we first installed them all the professors were confused on how to work them, but this was my favorite call.
Prof: Hi I'm in (Building and room) and I can't get this new touchscreen thing to turn on. Where's the power button?
Me: Well Professor, the touchscreens don't actually have a power button, but if you touch the screen it should work.
Prof: No, you misunderstood me, its not even turned on, wheres the power button.
Me: The screen is just asleep, all you need to do it touch the screen to use it.
Prof: I have a Phd in electrical engineering, trust me I can use a touchscreen, but I need to turn the damn thing on first now don't I?
Me:(sigh) Look, there isn't a power button, just touch the screen, touch anywhere on the screen and it will turn on, its just asleep.
Prof: How can I use the screen if its not turned on? How hard is this for you to understand?
Me: Sir, its not turned off, only asleep. Kind of like how a computer goes to sleep if you leave it alone to long and you have to wiggle the mouse to wake it up.
Prof: So I have to turn on the computer?
Me: No, that was just an analogy... Just touch the touchscreen anywhere on the screen and it should wake up immediately.
Prof: (sighs loudly into the phone) Look, all I need is for you to tell me where the power button on this thing is. I've wasted nearly 5 minutes arguing with you on the phone and I can't start my class until this thing is up and running. So either tell me where the damn power button is, or give me the number of someone who knows what the hell they're talking about.
Me: Ok, I want you to do exactly as I tell, can you do that for me Professor.
Prof: Fine just tell me...
Me: Take your right index finger and press it to the middle of the touch screen.
Prof: Why? Its not turned on, it won't do anything.
Me: Lets try something new. Is there a student in the room?
Prof: Yeah, the whole class is here.
Me: Good, put one of them on the phone.
Me: I have a hunch about something with the touchscreen but it may be easier if I talk to a student about it. It shouldn't take me more than a minute. If this doesn't work I will personally walk across campus and replace the touchscreen right away.
Prof: (long pause) Ok, I'll get someone.
Me: I need you to touch the touchscreen for me.
Me: Yeah, anywhere on the screen.
In the background I can here the students applauding and the Professor grab the phone.
Prof: Why the hell didn't you tell me all I had to do was press the upper right corner of the touch screen! This was a complete waste of my time.